Dave
Well, where do I start?
My great-grandfather was a cheese farmer on the distant planet of Wannawhackaturtle, and after the chickens took over the planet in 1891, he had to hide in a really large pack of Double Gloucester for seventeen years until it was safe to emerge once again.
As if that wasn't enough misfortune for one lifetime, he then met my great-grandmother, who, looking back, I think is the starting point of the Fellowses descent into madness. God, I tell you, she was a nut case.
No, seriously. A NUT case. A case full of nuts. Here's a picture of their first kiss-->
From then on in, the family has never quite been the same. It was my grandparents who bravely left the cheese-farming business behind and relocated to Earth in 1944, which by then was going through some really hard times due to some random fella called Hitler, I think.
Anyway, as extra-terrestrials, the FBI took great interest in me nan and grandad, and recruited them without further questioning. I'm not at liberty to divulge too much information, but let's just say, while the history books show that Hitler committed suicide, my dearly departed grandparents would have told you quite another (altogether more entertaining) story.
By the time my parents were born, I was 21.
No, wait a minute. Hang on.
By the time I was born, my parents were 21.
And things were about to get very weird. God inflicted me upon the world - a little smart-arse know-it-all with a head shaped like the Pentagon. For ten and a half years, people had to put up with me. It was difficult - very difficult - but they managed.
Then God had another idea. He decided to double the dose. He made his most extraordinary invention to date, and the world was never going to be the same again.